for mature audience only
be advised.
*****
today's highlight
It snowed in Portland, which quickly turned to black ice, and riding a bicycle that much more enjoyable. Unless, i happen to be playful and skid out, lose control and a dozen eggs and a half gallon of egg nog i am carrying on my back breaks my fall.
My shoulder hurts, but it's my pride that is broken.
Until I saw how cars did last time it snowed.
it's about time
Although completely self indulgent, the following is useful, if only to somehow find myself--wherever I am.
It is a real advantage to look forward.
I can see into the future
(the default is Portland, with all of it's beautiful people)
wow. July?
It is a real advantage to look forward.
I can see into the future
(the default is Portland, with all of it's beautiful people)
wow. July?
robot speak
january january
janruary
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ar?id=pn4ASc10sQ-kX7u7bQzVrVA.04281583700943657954.4146880174879765854&hl=en&action=1&tile=0&rpert=20&tfe=&srow=0&fprt=false&scol=0&ecol=undefined
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ar?id=pn4ASc10sQ-kX7u7bQzVrVA.04281583700943657954.4146880174879765854&hl=en&action=1&tile=0&rpert=20&tfe=vb_35&srow=0&fprt=false&scol=0&ecol=undefined
fred Astaire?
tricycledancecompany
URL:
http://www.slide.com/r/UglnKcdR7D9jUXsGCHJkw231iSBS4ERA?previous_view=lt_embedded_url
janruary
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ar?id=pn4ASc10sQ-kX7u7bQzVrVA.04281583700943657954.4146880174879765854&hl=en&action=1&tile=0&rpert=20&tfe=&srow=0&fprt=false&scol=0&ecol=undefined
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ar?id=pn4ASc10sQ-kX7u7bQzVrVA.04281583700943657954.4146880174879765854&hl=en&action=1&tile=0&rpert=20&tfe=vb_35&srow=0&fprt=false&scol=0&ecol=undefined
fred Astaire?
tricycledancecompany
URL:
http://www.slide.com/r/UglnKcdR7D9jUXsGCHJkw231iSBS4ERA?previous_view=lt_embedded_url
Black Walnut Ink
Although it may appear primitive, walnut tannins produce a delicious brown ink when mixed with silkscreen medium. The above set up produced enough dye to print the S.L.U.G. order: 21 hemp canvas bags locally crafted by Monkey Sew and logo design from Gabe's Imagination.
someone i only get to see once in a while
She told me i had missed the best sunset she had ever seen, but truth be told: i saw the whole thing.
POTENTIALLY
>>silkscreen print in limited edition, black walnut ink on acid free hemp paper and sumi for gray, acrylic black for outline<<
++No animal will be harmed in the making of this print
++Portland rain water will be used to distil locally harvested black walnuts
POTENTIALLY
>>silkscreen print in limited edition, black walnut ink on acid free hemp paper and sumi for gray, acrylic black for outline<<
++No animal will be harmed in the making of this print
++Portland rain water will be used to distil locally harvested black walnuts
OBAMA!
Yeah! We did it!
"My reality is REAL!" --Natalie said skipping with umbrella through the rain and in the direction of fireworks, drums and screaming liberals.
I am (finally) proud of my country. A little. We have a lot of lonely people to bring back home before I start my day with the pledge of allegiance, but the fascist empire aside, electing Obama is a blatant symbol of the change that is occurring. Change that is happening everywhere and in all aspects of our world. Not even ignorant rednecks can deny that things are not as they once were. It's about damn time.
My good friend's one-year-old daughter may never consider skin color to be an indication of potential. In terms of dismantling the institution of racism and healing historical infections, Obama has won an enormous victory. That is probably what makes me the most proud, we are finally taking a step beyond fear and into unknown hopefulness. Into the future we go!
Regardless of what happens in the next four years, Obama won the election. For right now, that has me thinking: cool.
"My reality is REAL!" --Natalie said skipping with umbrella through the rain and in the direction of fireworks, drums and screaming liberals.
I am (finally) proud of my country. A little. We have a lot of lonely people to bring back home before I start my day with the pledge of allegiance, but the fascist empire aside, electing Obama is a blatant symbol of the change that is occurring. Change that is happening everywhere and in all aspects of our world. Not even ignorant rednecks can deny that things are not as they once were. It's about damn time.
My good friend's one-year-old daughter may never consider skin color to be an indication of potential. In terms of dismantling the institution of racism and healing historical infections, Obama has won an enormous victory. That is probably what makes me the most proud, we are finally taking a step beyond fear and into unknown hopefulness. Into the future we go!
Regardless of what happens in the next four years, Obama won the election. For right now, that has me thinking: cool.
Western Oregon Plan Revision (WOPR)
A new plan created by the Bureau of Land Management will increase logging on public lands by 436%. It's a WOPR. Most likely it will pass unless someone tells Governor Kulongoski no.
Probably need more than just one someone. Might need a bus load. Reserve your seat by emailing "stopwopr@gmail.com". The bus leaves the Red and Black Cafe (12th and Oak) on November 14th at 10:30am.
Tell the Governor, "no more clear cuts!"
Probably need more than just one someone. Might need a bus load. Reserve your seat by emailing "stopwopr@gmail.com". The bus leaves the Red and Black Cafe (12th and Oak) on November 14th at 10:30am.
Tell the Governor, "no more clear cuts!"
Realization!?
i am not the smartest monkey.
i am the smartest monkey.
i will someday surpass my dumbness with smartness and ... well i don't know yet.
shitballs
i am the smartest monkey.
i will someday surpass my dumbness with smartness and ... well i don't know yet.
shitballs
ketchup
September 25th 2008
It is a widely known fact that without this very important condiment in your fridge at all times, all hell will break loose and that one time that you make tots will certainly be--all for not.
Also, it is a pastime where a person, much like myself, recalls the things they did, say for the last few months (ready for a rousing game of ketchup?):
I went to burning man. I spent 23 days on the playa.
I helped build the Basura Sagrada temple with so many beautifully talented folks that...
I wish there were words.
Well, I guess there are words, maybe even a book, something with drawings and typed out story... But for now, there are pictures. Please come back to my site, please.
And before that there was Oregon Country Fair but all the cool kids call it OCF, so don't OMG if where not like, BFF when you say,
"Is that like, a staff shirt from Oregon Country Fair?"--at which I immersed myself in hippy heaven: complete with fire fed sauna, all-you-can-eat hot shower, play money that buys cheesecake, vaudeville, and the incredible Jason Webley. Not to mention because of the legalities of unsaid activities, playing barn yard with the greatest peeps.
And if they made cameras out of wood, I could direct you to some pictures of the OCF, but alas... the gnomes have a patent on that shit.
It is a widely known fact that without this very important condiment in your fridge at all times, all hell will break loose and that one time that you make tots will certainly be--all for not.
Also, it is a pastime where a person, much like myself, recalls the things they did, say for the last few months (ready for a rousing game of ketchup?):
I went to burning man. I spent 23 days on the playa.
I helped build the Basura Sagrada temple with so many beautifully talented folks that...
I wish there were words.
Well, I guess there are words, maybe even a book, something with drawings and typed out story... But for now, there are pictures. Please come back to my site, please.
And before that there was Oregon Country Fair but all the cool kids call it OCF, so don't OMG if where not like, BFF when you say,
"Is that like, a staff shirt from Oregon Country Fair?"--at which I immersed myself in hippy heaven: complete with fire fed sauna, all-you-can-eat hot shower, play money that buys cheesecake, vaudeville, and the incredible Jason Webley. Not to mention because of the legalities of unsaid activities, playing barn yard with the greatest peeps.
And if they made cameras out of wood, I could direct you to some pictures of the OCF, but alas... the gnomes have a patent on that shit.
past lives
3/11/01
9:23 pm Sunday (dad's)
[part B]
Run to the brink of exhaustion, then run some more, fall down and pass out only to awake running. know that this gift of movement has been denied to the helpless, to the harmed and so keep running. keep going when your legs are stiff from battery acid and liquid shit, keep going when your lungs have shriveled to the size of raisins and your heart has popped. keep pushing onward with legs pumping and mind focused, keep moving onward with clear intent of never stopping... and never do nothing.
as to never stop.
[part A]
Matt and I ran 4 miles. We started at the Y and made a loop. I enjoyed it. So did he. Leaves for Basic Training tomorrow by Wednesday he will have arrived in Texas, somewhere.
"Life is beautiful," he said. And he is a very wise man.
Noticing things after they're gone. shit. we had some amazing times together. some really fucking cool shit. yet, we were best friends there was never a competition, even in the face of competing, we were equal in respect for each other. that is and was amazing. it's truly difficult to find such unselfishness. a wise man Matt Fitzsimmons is, forever in my memories we will run together through the disgusting times of High School Hell, together we will part paths knowing someday we will still be on the same road.
9:23 pm Sunday (dad's)
[part B]
Run to the brink of exhaustion, then run some more, fall down and pass out only to awake running. know that this gift of movement has been denied to the helpless, to the harmed and so keep running. keep going when your legs are stiff from battery acid and liquid shit, keep going when your lungs have shriveled to the size of raisins and your heart has popped. keep pushing onward with legs pumping and mind focused, keep moving onward with clear intent of never stopping... and never do nothing.
as to never stop.
[part A]
Matt and I ran 4 miles. We started at the Y and made a loop. I enjoyed it. So did he. Leaves for Basic Training tomorrow by Wednesday he will have arrived in Texas, somewhere.
"Life is beautiful," he said. And he is a very wise man.
Noticing things after they're gone. shit. we had some amazing times together. some really fucking cool shit. yet, we were best friends there was never a competition, even in the face of competing, we were equal in respect for each other. that is and was amazing. it's truly difficult to find such unselfishness. a wise man Matt Fitzsimmons is, forever in my memories we will run together through the disgusting times of High School Hell, together we will part paths knowing someday we will still be on the same road.
Bins Run
Monkey Sew went to the goodwill bins and picked up some new goodies. Plus a little extra goodness just because it's the bins.
Now for a shameless plug for
The crew at xtraCycle desserves so much for their tireless efforts at improving the lives of those car-free. Sixty pounds of clothing and other great goodies was nothing packed on the back of the xtraCycle, might have well as been taking a scenic ride through the park.
Deep gratitude is felt for those folks that tranform regular bicycles into power-hauling human-powered machines.
Now for a shameless plug for
xtraCycyle
The crew at xtraCycle desserves so much for their tireless efforts at improving the lives of those car-free. Sixty pounds of clothing and other great goodies was nothing packed on the back of the xtraCycle, might have well as been taking a scenic ride through the park.
Deep gratitude is felt for those folks that tranform regular bicycles into power-hauling human-powered machines.
Alberta Street Art Hop
It is summertime and people are in the streets. Yesterday was the Alberta Street Art Hop in North Portland. Monkey Sew descended on the scene bringing the booth on two bike trailers and an extra Cycle.
chikinz
The chicks are now pullets and they have names.
Sexy Foxy Brown, Trish, Lou Ann, and Madonna
Equip with a new run, the girls are happy to play on the ladder leading into the coup without the risk of cats, dogs, raccoons, weasels, or Molly. They are safe and happy, living a couped up life of water, scratch and food scraps.
Of course, the neighbor called in the city and they assessed the coup and run and gave a warning of $100/day fine for having more than three chickens without permit. The permit costs $30/year and requires approval of the landlord and the neighbors. Right.
Watch out girls, chicken dinner might be on the menu. Going to invite the neighbor.
whole earth festival
Traveled down to sunny Davis, California for the Whole Earth Festival with Gabe and Natalie-- Monkey Sew Monkey Do!
Natalie arranged a rental car, "do you have anything that will make my penis look bigger?" and we drove down in a ford f-150, saving gas by coasting in neutral down the passes between Portland and Davis.
We stayed with Dr. Mick and his two cats, one of which lit himself on fire and shits on his tail.
We set up our booth sharing it with Dana and Coral and Rachel and Micheal Starchild. Dana and Coral are talent designers pioneering the "AWEAR" line of fairy-raver-festival-prom-clothes from bamboo and soy fibers. Did I mention their talents? Rachel creates feathered hair clips that embody a gourmet flavor of fun, classy and whimsical.
Micheal Starchild is a living hero among mankind, he is godly. 66 years old he sculpts raw copper into precious, awe inspiring jewelery. But, he hasn't owned a car for 49 years and travels by way of bicycle, anywhere. He was on a bike trip in Peru where he had ridden two days into remote country and found that the only possible passing across a torrent river was the washed out bridge. After backtracking, without food for three days, he decided to engineer a conversion for his 17 pound, 500 pound carrying capacity, bike trailer so now it can change into a pontoon boat. Right? The man is humble and soft spoken, having been most places in the world on his bicycle and spending lots of time in Tahoe making human powered 4x4 machines that can roll over a four foot obstacle and making awe inspiring jewelery.
(Micheal's image cannot be captured by digital means, his aura is too bright)
Gabe and Natalie seemed to have a good time:
ramblilngs
the passage of time. holy crap.
the tree outside my window feels it, the increasing warmth of the summer's sun, the passing of time and the changing of seasons, entire years pass and the tree feels everyday.
the rain comes from the sky, dude.
that voice in my head is a funny one, all condescending and shit. i enjoy that, and shit. the fuck off punk that is cynical and never gives a shit. nor fuck. straight edge punks are different, they have a cause.
man. i've done stuff and i want to tell people that everything works out and worrying is wasted time you could be having fun, but then again I'm poor as shit, i mean I eat and everything, but not as much as I could, you know, more than twice a day. it's good i am working and making money because rent is due and baby needs some shoes. which brings me back to this whole idea that everything is going to work out and i am happy. that is the trick, being happy poor.
no matter how much more money you make it won't change your want to make more money and soon the more money you are making is not enough to be considered more money, it just is money you are making and so you want to make even more money and still you haven't figured out that more money has little to do with your happiness.
not to suggest that money isn't happy, those little fuckers are joy made into paper, but paper burns good and joy is fleeting. besides, i have everything i want right now, mostly. the things i don't have, i feel are on their way. but, working ten dollars an hour part-time is not going to bring bike hostel ownership, or health care.
I would love a job that pays well enough for me to spoil my friends with ridiculous gifts, and money. a job that i want to do, so there is no work and so i could be like:
"want a fancy-pantsy dinner at a hoity-toity restaurant?"
"could you use a matchbox pick-up truck that runs on biodiesel?"
"do you want a computer that wasn't made in the 90s?"
"dude, go to the dentist to fix that empty filling, it's on me."
i am distracted by the underwear ad on my computer. butt, now it changed.
oh, shit. no popcorn. no dinner.
pay your taxes. support your war. today is the day.
the tree outside my window feels it, the increasing warmth of the summer's sun, the passing of time and the changing of seasons, entire years pass and the tree feels everyday.
the rain comes from the sky, dude.
that voice in my head is a funny one, all condescending and shit. i enjoy that, and shit. the fuck off punk that is cynical and never gives a shit. nor fuck. straight edge punks are different, they have a cause.
man. i've done stuff and i want to tell people that everything works out and worrying is wasted time you could be having fun, but then again I'm poor as shit, i mean I eat and everything, but not as much as I could, you know, more than twice a day. it's good i am working and making money because rent is due and baby needs some shoes. which brings me back to this whole idea that everything is going to work out and i am happy. that is the trick, being happy poor.
no matter how much more money you make it won't change your want to make more money and soon the more money you are making is not enough to be considered more money, it just is money you are making and so you want to make even more money and still you haven't figured out that more money has little to do with your happiness.
not to suggest that money isn't happy, those little fuckers are joy made into paper, but paper burns good and joy is fleeting. besides, i have everything i want right now, mostly. the things i don't have, i feel are on their way. but, working ten dollars an hour part-time is not going to bring bike hostel ownership, or health care.
I would love a job that pays well enough for me to spoil my friends with ridiculous gifts, and money. a job that i want to do, so there is no work and so i could be like:
"want a fancy-pantsy dinner at a hoity-toity restaurant?"
"could you use a matchbox pick-up truck that runs on biodiesel?"
"do you want a computer that wasn't made in the 90s?"
"dude, go to the dentist to fix that empty filling, it's on me."
i am distracted by the underwear ad on my computer. butt, now it changed.
oh, shit. no popcorn. no dinner.
pay your taxes. support your war. today is the day.
Dude, chicks
I have the speacial priviledge of having four hot chicks in my room at any given time. They are sweet, but kinda smelly. This excellent photo was taken by Aaron Rogosin.
Yesterday
I moved to Portland and don't have much of anything, so I have been working day labor for a cool guy that pays under the table. It is ideal in the sense of not having any stability, it doesn't pay well enough to interfere with food stamps and he treats me well enough that I keep coming back. All the work is off the books and everyone involved understands that the situation is a little bit sketchy, a shit storm could tear the whole thing up.
The guy I work for is a sweet heart, he really is. Divorced with one son that he home schools, he usually doesn't work on the weeks he has custody of his boy. He loves the crap out of his kid.
Alright, so I get to the job site and we are finishing the molding in a bedroom. In addition, the boards around the doors in the kitchen need to be ripped down, cut, sanded and nailed back up. We work hard and before long we are breaking for lunch. I go out and get some ketchup. We return and get back to it. Power tools are in use. My crew mate is using the chop saw to cut 45s from the top piece on the base boards and so the boss says to use the table saw. If you don't already know, table saws are the scariest power tool ever. All those eight digit shop teachers can explain why.
Then the boss asks, "you know how to use one of these right?"
I give him the best dumb look I can muster and he launches into the short version of how not to loose a hand, while also removing the fence and exposing the raw, finger devouring, scraggly toothed saw blade.
I say, "yeah, no problem." He goes inside.
I grab a random board and start up the saw. I prep my bag of fake blood. I push the stick through the whining saw. I yelp and squirt ketchup into my hand, struggle into the house and repeat, "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" until the boss reacts. He pops his head out from the bedroom and sees me clutching my hands together and ketchup dripping on the floor. He darts into the bathroom and struggles to remove the plastic off of a roll of toilet paper, "just hold still, here!"
His heart is audible and his mind is racing through all the protocols of what to do, 911? Drive to the hospital? How much is that going to be? Will he sue? Maybe we could work out a co-pay. Maybe it would be best to toss him on the curb and hope he flags someone down.
The guy I work for is a sweet heart, he really is. Divorced with one son that he home schools, he usually doesn't work on the weeks he has custody of his boy. He loves the crap out of his kid.
Alright, so I get to the job site and we are finishing the molding in a bedroom. In addition, the boards around the doors in the kitchen need to be ripped down, cut, sanded and nailed back up. We work hard and before long we are breaking for lunch. I go out and get some ketchup. We return and get back to it. Power tools are in use. My crew mate is using the chop saw to cut 45s from the top piece on the base boards and so the boss says to use the table saw. If you don't already know, table saws are the scariest power tool ever. All those eight digit shop teachers can explain why.
Then the boss asks, "you know how to use one of these right?"
I give him the best dumb look I can muster and he launches into the short version of how not to loose a hand, while also removing the fence and exposing the raw, finger devouring, scraggly toothed saw blade.
I say, "yeah, no problem." He goes inside.
I grab a random board and start up the saw. I prep my bag of fake blood. I push the stick through the whining saw. I yelp and squirt ketchup into my hand, struggle into the house and repeat, "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" until the boss reacts. He pops his head out from the bedroom and sees me clutching my hands together and ketchup dripping on the floor. He darts into the bathroom and struggles to remove the plastic off of a roll of toilet paper, "just hold still, here!"
His heart is audible and his mind is racing through all the protocols of what to do, 911? Drive to the hospital? How much is that going to be? Will he sue? Maybe we could work out a co-pay. Maybe it would be best to toss him on the curb and hope he flags someone down.
I could have dragged the scene out a lot further, but the absolute panic that radiated from this guy made me a bit reluctant. Also, the idea that a roll of toilet paper was going to help my severed hand was also pretty hilarious. So, I bashfully murmured, "April Fools"
Lunar X
I should have done my research before posting stupid lies about some $40 million dollar prize. Turns out, there is some good news and some bad news for all of you that have already signed up for team Redneck Rocketry. The bad news is the prize is actually only $30 million. Bubba, I'm sorry. I know you had your heart set on that life-time-supply of corndogs, but we are going to have to rethink some things. The good news is we have until 2010. We can procrastinate all we want on this one and then swoop up to that white rock in the sky for our cash money. Smile Polly-Ann, we gonna get you some new teeth, eventually.
You see it turns out, this Google goes a little something like this (I just copied and pasted this from a "website") and I quote:
"The Google Lunar X PRIZE is a $30 million international competition to safely land a robot on the surface of the Moon, travel 500 meters over the lunar surface and send images and data back to Earth. Teams must be at least 90% privately funded and must be registered to compete by December 31, 2010. The first team to land on the Moon and complete the mission objectives will be awarded $20 million; the full first prize is available until December 31, 2012. After that date, the first prize will drop to $15 million. The second team to do so will be awarded $5 million. Another $5 million will awarded in bonus prizes. The final deadline for winning the prize is December 31, 2014."
Plenty of time to steal a shopping cart spaceship, strap in a microwave and light the biggest illegal firework a man can get by trading some live chickens and some cow milk.
Space, the stuff between my ears.
A Work in Progress
The saying, "It's not Rocket Science" implies a misconception that rocket science requires complex calculations, rigorous research and/or some other clever alliteration. But when Google announced they would award $40 million to the first team to land a device on the moon, send a packet of information, then move the device and repeat the transmission, it opened the doors to anyone capable of calling themselves rocket scientists.
Basically, Backyard Rocketry has been developing the technology for years and now they are joining their technological no-how with Redneck Innovations to achieve the $40 million prize. A second moon-worthy prototype has already been developed. The newer version includes: high-impact rocket propulsion, sturdy shopping cart frame, EverReady 12v power, VHS video capturing with zoom lens, satellite communications, beer cozy with half a brewski remaining, UHF capable reception, AM/FM radio, and ofcourse, computer technologies.
Although this model is far more advanced than the beta version, it is lacking Dal Earnhardt's lucky number, and is thus incomplete for space travel.
Also missing, some money to make this whole project-thingy get off the ground. So, if you want some of that prize money send us some cash. That means you Budweiser. Bout time you started giving back.
Some of the neighbors are anxious to meet the aliens we will be bringing back in our shopping cart rocket ship. I told them to start doing yoga so that they can pull their head out of their ass.
RedneckRocketry.beta
redneckRocketry.beta
Innitial sketches of an outerspace technological device capable of microwave technology show that the collabrative efforts of Backyard Rocketry and Redneck Inovations has not gone in vain.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
